staci_stallings@hotmail.com

This revelation hit me the other day while I was listening to a
cassette on having financial balance in your life.  On the tape, the author talked
about a goal setting seminar he went to.  The lesson he was revealing is that
too often when we set goals, we are setting the “have” part of the
equation, then “doing” the work of getting to the goal without ever making the
effort to “be” anything.

If you’re paying attention, there’s a math lesson that translates to
this message.  Any math person will tell you that there is a definite order
to life.  A + B = C, and if you get it out of that order, even the
simplest of ideas can get overwhelmingly confusing.  So this equation must begin
with “be” not “do” or “have.”

For example, people set a goal of meeting the right person.  That is
the “have” that they want, so they begin “doing” the things the world says
make sense to get to that goal.  They go to bars, they go to church, they go
to work, they go to parties, they go to school—all with the spoken or
unspoken intention of acquiring what they do not have, a partner.  Years ago
they called the females with this mindset, “Mrs. Majors.”  They were not in
college to get a degree; they were in college to get a husband.

In today’s world some of these types—men and women—have the “have” and
“do” parts down to a science.  One manifestation of this is the book, “The
Rules.”  This book purports to explain exactly what you have to “do” to
get the goal of “having” a mate.  The problem is that this is completely
senseless when you understand the equation of “be-do-have.”

When you truly get this life lesson, it will have a profound impact on
every aspect of your life.  No longer will you focus solely on the goal—now
you will focus on who you must first become, and the attainment of the
goals will follow.

I know, it sounds Pollyanna.  It sounds so simple.  But it’s the
simple-sounding things that are often the most difficult to actually
do.  I see this turmoil in teenagers a lot.  They think that their identity is
created by who they are with, what they wear, what their outward
appearance is.  The reality, however, is that identity is based on who you are.

That’s why you hear of 10 and 20 year high school reunions in which the
popular kids are now struggling and some of the most unpopular kids are
now the successful adults.  When you understand this equation, it makes
perfect sense.  Think about it.  In high school, the “popular” kids already
“have.”  They have the status, the good looks, the admiration of others.  Why
work for something you already have?

The unpopular kids on the other hand are forced to find their true
identity not in the outer world, but in the inner world.  So they work on
themselves rather than on what the outside world says is important.  Thus, 10 or
20 years down the road, they who have been forced to “be” are now “doing”
and “having” in much greater proportion than those who “had” everything.

To be sure, this is a vast generalization.  There are popular kids who
take time out to work on themselves and “become,” and there are unpopular
kids who want to “have” so badly that they contort who they are trying to
fit in. The exceptions are there, but so is the rule.

You have to be before you can do, and you have to do before you can
have.  If you don’t, nothing you ever get will be enough.  And if you do,
whatever you have will be plenty.  With this in mind, find some time today to
fit a little “being” time into your “to-do” list.  It may just turn out to be
the best time investment you could ever make.

Copyright by Staci Stallings

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